Girl/boy communication was so simple in grade four, don’t you think? A young girl had a crush on a class mate, so she wrote her feelings on a piece of paper torn from one of her notebooks. She folded it up into a little square and gave it to a trusted friend to deliver to the lucky young man at recess or lunch.
It’s like my heart is full of blank pages these days, like a notebook. I pour my deepest feelings on those pages and then tare them out. I fold them into little squares and give them to God, my trusted Friend, and ask Him to deliver them to Mike up there in heaven.
On Friday night, the night before my book signing, I went to bed with a bit of a knot in my stomach. I’m not fond of going to bed without Mike as it is, like I’ve shared before, but this night I missed him more than ever. Instead of climbing right in under my cozy covers, I got down on the floor. Amongst all the boxes of books, on my knees, I prayed over them. I prayed over all my books like I had done every day since receiving them and I prayed about the book signing and I prayed about many things. Eventually my face was on the floor and I just agonized that I had to move forward without Mike … that he’s not here with me anymore.
It’s popular to believe that our loved ones are looking down on us from heaven. But I’m not convinced of it. The Bible says that there are no tears in heaven; there is no sadness, sorrow or pain. Because of that, I don’t think he can see me. I think he’s enamoured with Jesus and enjoying many great things...and he probably thinks about us sometimes too. I just think if everyone in heaven could watch us on earth, there would be lots of sadness there.
So, I came up with the idea that because I talk to God, and because Mike is in His presence, Mike and I can communicate through Him. I understand if you are tempted to roll your eyes right about now, but I researched it and found I’m not the only one who thinks this way. There are a number of ideas, this one is mine and I’m good with it.
The first note Mike wrote me almost 28 years ago was kind of magical. When I close my eyes, I can see myself standing in his crowded kitchen at “the Shack” where he lived with a bunch of guys. I had little black ears on the top of my head, whiskers drawn on my face and a tail attached to my backside. I can’t remember any other Halloween costumes that night except for mine. One of Mike’s friends handed me a note. It was folded a bunch of times into a little square and it accompanied a piece of cheese. The cheese was wrapped and tied with a bit of string.
He captured my heart that night with a little piece of cheese, a note and some string. He pursued me and it didn’t take long before I was his. He continued to woo me throughout our marriage with his simple and sometimes silly messages of love. And I always felt loved.
Shortly after Mike passed away, my friend Carolyn from school came up to me one night before class began. I could see she had something for me and struggled a tittle to explain. She said she had something to give me from her baby daughter’s things. Her daughter, Sabrina passed away a number of years ago when she was just a few months old. Carolyn said she really felt like she was supposed to give this special something to me and then when she read my blog about the rocks, she knew for sure. She handed me the gift and told me it was a message from Mike. With tears welling up in my eyes, I slowly removed the tissue paper it was wrapped in and revealed a rock. Engraved in the rock are the words, “You are loved”.
I’m so glad Mike is free, but the selfish me, wants him back. I’d take just a day - there are things I want to say. So I write them down on those pages in my heart. I tear them out and fold them into little squares and get my trusted Friend to pass them on to him.
Our first selfie - 1987
The night after I received the note and gift wrapped cheese, Mike and I sat beside each other on his couch and watched a movie. There was a bunch of us crammed on the couch watching the movie and we all shared a big blanket (it was pretty cold at the Shack, I don’t think they had any heat). Anyway, our hidden hands were inches away from each other and by the end of the movie, our fingers were interlocked. When we used to tell the story, Mike would say, “She took my hand.” And I would say, “He took mine.” So, my dear Michael, let’s agree, we took each other’s hand... And that’s how it all began.
My book signing at Save-On-Foods was a great success. A huge thanks to Shelley and Manager Cal and all the staff at Save-On...they were amazing! And a huge thank you to my family for all their help...I couldn't do it withouth them. And thanks for everyone who came by. I signed 200 books on Saturday and have been signing books everyday since then. I have a couple of other events in the works and will keep you posted. Stay posted on my Facebook page - Hold On Let Go/ALS with courage
I've had some great feedback about my book and a few excellent reviews on Amazon...Thank you! I appreciate it so much! Here's the link to buy my book and/or view and give a review http://amzn.to/1FFBkSS.
For those outside of Canada, you can go to amazon.com - Hold On, Let Go by Nadine Sands. Leave a review and make my day...thanks!
My sister says she talks to Mike all the time. She says, God can pass it on.