Tuesday, 28 January 2014

Till Death Do Us Part

I have really gotten used to living this way; that is with ALS. I kind of forget what normal is. This is normal now. Sometimes I remember that ALS is going to steal Mike’s every last breath and take his life, although I'm still not totally buying it. I can't see it; I don't believe it...most of the time. I can't imagine my life without Mike. I'm not ready to let him go today, but I pray that when the time comes, I will be ready. I'll send him off with my blessing and I'll watch him fly away. It almost sounds romantic when I put it like that, but it will be tragic. Sorrow also comes to mind, but so does joy and when it's time there will be that as well. I know because the two, sorrow and joy have commingled in my life since Mike's diagnosis and it's the joy that has been my strength.  ("The joy of the Lord will be your strength" from Nehemiah 8:10)

I was only 19...just a girl when I said "I do". I took Mike and he took me for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. I didn't really know what that all meant when I agreed to it 25 years, 7 months, and 4 days ago, but I do know what it means now. The last bit though, the part about "parting", that's a little hard to understand. Mike and I are one, like a piece of fabric; threads woven together. How does that just part? Is it like a ripping, a tearing, a cutting? Sounds painful! I know it will be. It already is. But the joy of having him in my life all these years will remain...and so will the love.

Sometimes I wonder where we would be without ALS, and believe it or not, I question if I'd go back. Don't get me wrong, of course I wouldn't wish ALS on my husband or anyone. But what we have learned is invaluable and what we have overcome and what we have achieved is incredible and how we have experienced God and the joy that comes from knowing Him, trusting Him and abiding in Him is indescribable...I wouldn't trade that for anything. What is also indescribable is the love; God's love, the love of family and friends and our love for each other. That doesn't part when we do, that lasts forever.

My sleeves are covered in tears as I write this and I wonder if it's too sad to share but its part of our "normal" lives with ALS, so here it is. I hope it will inspire all to appreciate every minute, to look to the Lord and experience His joy which brings strength and to cherish the love.

” It happens every time you praise God. It is instantly felt in His presence. This joy comes from a source that never runs dry. It becomes your strength. No matter what else is happening it's that underlying feeling that everything is going to ultimately be good." Stormie Omartian

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful words Nadine! Thinking of you! Hugs xo