I have been mad about something for a while now and yesterday and today I became really mad about it. I don’t get mad that easily, but when I do, I find that everything makes me mad. Things that don’t normally bother me, all of a sudden drive me crazy. This morning as I was stewing in my madness and growing more and more agitated, I was very tempted to start thinking about how mad I should be about Mike’s illness. I was very close to allowing myself to think about how maddening it is and how mad I could be! I knew if I let myself get mad about the ALS, I would go to a place it would be hard to come back from. The madness could very well turn to sadness and then it would be game over.
A few months ago, I watched a really sad movie. It was so sad I cried about it for hours and then the tears I cried about the movie turned into tears for Mike and I cried for about three days.
This morning while standing on the edge of a very slippery slope, I was reminded of Philippians 4:8, which says: Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.
A re-directing of my thoughts needed to take place. I had to loosen my grip on this life and its strife and grab hold of God and think about things that are good, lovely, excellent and praiseworthy. While writing this blog on my lap top in my living room, I looked out the window and saw my son, Nathan and Mike walking home from the park pushing our granddaughter, Leah in her stroller. When they came in, Mike proceeded to take chestnuts out of his jacket pocket…one by one. It took him some time to take all 22 chestnuts out of his pockets and place them on the dining room table. I asked him how the park was and he said they didn’t stay at the park for long, but went to the chestnut tree (a tree we visited many times with our children when they were small…just a little ways down the street from the park). I could see that Mike had a lovely time with his son and granddaughter and it made me happy.
As I continued to type on my lap top, Mike asked, “What are you writing there?” I said, “Just some thoughts.” He said, “Do they bring you joy?” I replied with a very firm “YES!”